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rose.

lives in austin.
loves to eat.

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--

so i'm talking to Ali about love
(it's like a movie where i have this ongoing conversation with my regular taxi driver)
and he's like, don't lie to yourself and do more for him than you feel.
commitment
youth
etc.

(posted at 7:25 PM)

we're dropping out of the Texas sky, rushing towards the misshapen fields of green, shaking off the dusty Missouri snow, rebel in the clouds, sprinting steadfastly, i'm licking my lips and tasting warm air, i'm gripping the seat remembering home, god i crave tango, i'm clean, i'm bleeding, i'm on the ice in negative degree weather, i breathe you in. neruda, find me, i've surrendered. you win.

(posted at 7:01 PM)

5K yesterday morning - 28:11 on 2 hours of sleep.
9:05 min/mi
quite a lot better than i expected to do. 56/218 for my gender and age group isn't all that bad, right? lol.

(posted at 11:57 AM)

for tango dancers and non-tango dancers alike. If you'll be in Houston, Glover Gill plays at Rice University on Friday.

(posted at 11:05 AM)

"I Melt With You" Nouvelle Vague
"Now at Last" Feist

i would give anything to be able to say "i drove to the coast today to take in the sun on a beautiful sunday." but i did run around town lake in 40 degree weather. and damn, it was gorgeous.

is intelligent eloquence too much to ask for?

"good writers are dangerous," according to Tu.
i don't want to take you for granted.


tango fix on friday.
my communications professor (the one who tango dances) is completing his dissertation on the non-existence of self-confidence as we define it.
richard made my week as he talked about the impression he has of me as a follow. don, on "dancing with you is like driving with power steering." why do i keep getting compared to an automobile?

(posted at 12:33 AM)

i need to write
about the way it feels to put the kettle on for tea at home
with two roommates talking in the background
washing the dishes
the sound of christmas lights

i need to write about the sweat across your eyebrows
your left hand tiptoeing across my back
your eyes navigating my cheeks

i need to write about simplicity
something like dreaming
but more tangible
like two eggs,
sunny side up
chipotle salsa
and pita bread

you like music in the background
you said thank you
you said i didn't have to
even though i already knew

i'm a secret you want to keep
but have we even gotten that deep?

(posted at 6:15 PM)

oh it's healing - bang bang bang
i can hear your cannons call
you've been aiming at my land
your hungry hammer is falling

and if you want me i'm your country

i'm an angel bored like hell
and you're a devil meaning well
you steal my lines and you strike me dumb
come raise your flag upon me

and if you want me i'm your country
if you win me i'm forever

'cause you're the storm that i've been needing
and all this peace has been deceiving
i like the sweet life and the silence
but it's the storm that I believe in

come and conquer and drop your bombs
cross my borders and kill the calm
bear your fangs and burn my wings
i hear bullets singing

and if you want me i'm your country
if you win me i'm forever

'cause you're the storm that i've been needing
and all this peace has been deceiving
i need some wind to get me sailing
so it's the storm that i believe in

you fill my heart, you keep me breathing
'cause you're the storm that i believe in

and if you want me i'm your country


the cardigans- you're the storm

(posted at 3:26 PM)

S: Why sad face?
me: just stressed
how are you?
S: Doin' pretty well. Working. You know.
I'm going to visit some family tomorrow.
San Francisco, here I come, right back where I started from.
me: wow
that's great
i love sf
S: Yeah. I look foreward to it.
me: that's too bad, the first weekend i'm back in austin too :)
S: Aw.
That is pretty sad.
Now I've got a sad face.
:(
me: lol aww nooo
san fran is way better
you shouldn't have a sad face
S: Better than seeing you?
me: sadly, i have to admit that i can't even begin to compare to san francisco
S: Pish posh.
Well, San Francisco is pretty awesome.
However, its way easier to go there than to see you it seems.
It doesn't move around nearly as much.
me: lol
touche
good point

(posted at 2:43 PM)

i live in some kind of a chaotic order. or an orderly chaos. one of the two. i'm not sure what i do all day, and i'm not sure how i stay on top of things without ever stopping to really breathe.

at 4:30AM, rusty and i were sitting in the Austin airport terminal. i felt mostly like i was dreaming, even while consciously awake.

rusty began a semi-monologue about something and i zoned out until he started talking about how he gets this overwhelming energy when he stays at our house, and he can tell that laurie and i think on an elevated plane when compared to most people.

i talked about how i felt frustrated because i haven't really had an outlet that is equal to the level on which i think. not to say that i'm necessarily "above" anyone in particular; just that i feel like the wavelengths i've been experiencing are mismatched with my own.

we sat in the kitchen last night and alyson talked about doug, and how his way of thinking almost mirrored her own. that he thinks in narrative form similar to how she thinks. that their first date was perfect, and he "took me to veggie heaven, paid for everything, opened my door, drove..."

alyson's words made me think about you. sometimes i think you walked straight out of the bulleted list in my head of "what i am currently looking for in a man." like one of those things that seem frighteningly perfect on paper, but somehow don't fit quite right. everything you say is almost perfect. every response you have to a neurosis of mine is almost perfect. i can tell that you really have no idea what you're doing, and yet at the same time you're determined to do it anyway. it scares me a little that despite all my defenses, i'm letting you stay.

(posted at 1:33 PM)

2007.

i signed my life away in the form of a job acceptance. i survived the "emergency inclement weather" that closed school down during january. i finally surrendered and let my cartilage piercing close up. i did my first band photo shoot. my modern dance teacher inspired me and i re-learned that DANCE WILL SAVE THE WORLD. i went to listen to jazz at the elephant room for the first time. i took two classes of bikram yoga. i went to new york for the.. third or fourth? time in march. i stayed in the east village. i went to an exhibit of henri cartier-bresson's photographs. i tango danced in the City with an italian woman. i danced tango in the Blanton Museum. visited a winery. saw the spazmatics. i gave up at rock climbing. i lindy-hopped. i rode in a red convertible down 2222. at dusk and at night. i danced salsa on sunday at the oasis. i went sailing on lake travis.
i graduated with three undergraduate degrees. i watched my sister graduate. B.B. king sang at her graduation.
i went to Sky Bar to salsa dance. i went to thailand, vietnam, cambodia, and laos. i mountain biked. i wiped out. gained a scar on my right thigh. got really tan. jumped off the top of a ship. took cooking classes in Laos and in Thailand. got massages. hiked. visited temples. rode in a cable car. was moved to tears by a temple in Vietnam. was in a bus-car accident. went "white water rafting". heard from xiaowei again. went down a zip-chord line into the river. went tubing. woke up next to the mekong delta. practiced playing pool. salsa danced in houston for two weeks straight. i sang karaoke. i went to acl (all three days). i fell out of love. my heart got broken, again. i found that, despite it all, i'm still ridiculously attracted to latin men. i casually dated for the first time and got hurt several times. i broke hearts. almost fell in love again. i started work. i moved into a house in south austin. i attended training with europeans. i went to chicago for the first time. i ate deep dish pizza. i visited the bean. i stayed in chinatown. i went to the around the coyote festival. i discovered tango lilies. i started to remember what first dates feel like. i ate at Uchi. i went water skiing. lost two friends in one week (what's wrong with me?). my canon s80 broke. i bought a Lomo LC-A and an Olympus XA-2 to start playing with 35mm photography again. i got drunk. i danced. i developed a severe addiction to argentine tango. i danced in austin, i danced in houston, i danced in dc, i danced in new york, i danced in chicago. i was staffed on my first project in st. louis. i bought another canon camera to replace stephane. i watched RENT again, live, in houston. i attended Fandango de Tango. i made pineapple upside-down cake. i watched Wicked in St. Louis. i went to new york city again to celebrate new year's eve. felt lonely at night and woke up feeling loved.

(posted at 1:18 PM)

oh. my gosh

austin.

(posted at 9:11 PM)

two years ago when i first started traveling, my mom would scold me about being a heavy packer.

i packed for thirteen nights/days (of work AND play) in a carry-on.
during the winter time.
as in,
sweaters, slacks, shoes, boots, hats, scarves, and everything else.

take that.

(posted at 3:32 PM)

8.
i haven't written down a music list in a while
as always, my lists are some oldies and some newies but always goodies :)

anything by matt nathanson
esteban morgado- morena
brett dennen - desert sunrise
brett dennen- just like the moon
john mayer- waiting on the world to change
alejandro sanz ft shakira- te lo agradezco pero no
jason michael carroll - livin our love song
amos lee- shout out loud
cafe tacuba- eres
gavin degraw- follow through
damien rice- cannonball
juanes- me enamora
miranda- perfecta
juanes- me enamora
natasha bedingfield ft sean kingston- love like this
alicia keys- no one (and all the remixes)
gotan project- queremos paz
fall out boys- sugar we're going down
damien rice- accidental babies
rilo kiley- silver lining
norah jones- not too late
dave matthews band- out of my hands
snow patrol- you could be happy


9.
since when was there an Alamo Drafthouse in houston?

10.
i have no idea where Tu got this from, but

"At the end of the day, the ideal Gemini soul mate has a Ph.D., and is a world traveler with countless tales to tell."
lol. touche.


11.
okay, i picked this book at the barnes and noble in union square because tu had mentioned it. but, WOW. i haven't read all of it, but Tu's quote solidifies the fact that i need to.

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

"And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, there person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby--you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that's can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

...

"But I wish me and David could--"

"See now that's your problem. You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."


12.
new york salsa dancers dance "on 2".

it's a whole sub culture. shirts with ON 2 scrawled on them. men yelling counts in my ear so that i change the way i follow. haha.

(posted at 2:59 PM)

1.
there is a certain restlessness that sidles up and takes the hand of loneliness.

i think we are on a search together.
physically apart, perhaps, but even while walking on the polar edges of our personalities, we are locked in an attempt to find one another. or at least, to find ourselves.

NYT- To Walk a Landscape Is to Know It


2.
i started listening to country music again yesterday on the way from the airport to work. i can taste the memories of spinning across the floor at Midnight Rodeo. last night after work, tim took me to Forest Park and i ran a hard 40 minutes with him on no sleep. the bare tree branches clutched at the clouds outlined in royal purple, and i listened to the silence that followed us on the trail. my breath came out in shapes of science, and as we approached the water i felt elation spread like fire across my chest.

3.
i danced with some fascinating people over the course of my week in New York City. One of these leads happened to be a teacher of the Alexander Technique. (this is the one who told me that i am a freak of nature and that he wants to follow my life). he told me about mirror neurons and how they allow us to learn something (like tango) through observation alone.

4.
the streets of new york city take on this wrenching soul when it's dark and no one is around. i can feel their limbs and bones stretching and yearning for something through the emptiness.

5.
is there something therapeutic in the routine?

a: being an anchor is tough
so how about a harbor for a little ship like me

b: i don't want to be a harbor
i want to be an anchor
at least i can travel with the little ship

6.
i start a lot of projects and never complete them. man, talk about living up to being a gemini.

7.
the simple things. tomato basil capers pasta.
eric clapton, pink floyd, and "wild thing"
in the end,
"hands down"

dreams just scatter
and fall
like
rain.

(posted at 9:02 AM)

i love the curveballs that life throws.

jeff, who instantly notices my fixation on the sky and weather. israeli david, "breath of fresh air," asian david, "move to new york so we can tango and salsa every night," noah the hopscotch professional (hah), daniel, "you're a freak of nature, i want to follow your life."



and then there is texas!

i miss grocery shopping in austin, the late nights at the red river hancock center HEB. i miss walking leisurely around, looking longingly at forbidden breakfast cereals. i miss the taquerias with jukeboxes playing norteno. i miss the polluted sunsets and the midnight runs on glistening streets. i miss the gym. i miss my bed. i miss my kitchen. i miss our hardwood floors, my photos on the wall, the paintings. i miss my closets. i miss being able to hang up my clothes. i miss having my own toiletries in the bathroom rather than in a toiletry bag. i miss going on walks.
i miss laurie's cookies and milissa's soup. i miss my cameras and my supply of film.

i miss rice. i miss ...

(posted at 2:49 PM)

new year's 2008
28: marriott floor
29: korean bbq in ktown, pinkberry, salsa dancing @ gonzalez y gonzalez, queens
30: east village, chinese food, little greece, times square
31: washington square, italian in east village, cha-an teahouse, whole foods, union square, chinese food, roseland ballroom madness, marriott bed
1: blue man group, sharaku soba, st. marks bookstore, queens
2: sentaya? malaysian with rushan in flushing, bubble tea, banana chocolate chip, lafayette grille milonga tango dancing, queens
3: toyama sushi with diane/dp/yvonne, frim fram jam swing dancing, queens
4: columbus 72 salsa dancing/hip hop, queens
5: union square market, veselka ukranian brunch with scott, scott's apt, stuyvesant, bookstore, afternoon milonga @ triangulo, photo printing, milonga @ studio 101, uptown 86th
6: breakfast/pasta at matteo's apt, queens, Bocca italian, salsa dancing @ dance manhattan, walk to olivia's, mark brenner's chocolate by the bald man, queens
7: LGA at 3:30AM

(posted at 4:01 AM)

happy new year.

i have a newfound appreciation for cold weather!

(posted at 8:28 PM)

copyright 2007 by rose [email]